


Steady

by DivinusQualia



Series: Needing [6]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Break Up, Courage, Love/Hate, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Pain, Rape Aftermath, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:44:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivinusQualia/pseuds/DivinusQualia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i don't know where to go now... please leave a comment. should i let akashi suffer, or midorima?</p></blockquote>





	Steady

I don't ask or tell him to leave, but he does. After hours, it seems, when he finally pulls his body away from mine and I am comforted by the cool air that rushes to meet my back, he leaves. He presses a cool kiss to my temple and his breath ghosts past my ear, as if he needs to say something ( _S_ _orry?_ ). He collects his things, he dresses, he pauses in the doorway ( _Forgive me?_ ) and his golden eye flashes. I listen to his footsteps hesitantly disappear down the steps and the creak of my front door opening ( _Shintarou,_ )... Closing ( _Goodbye.)_. As soon as I hear it shut I race down the stairs, naked-my parents aren't home-and cold, but it comforts me when I can finally hear the click of my lock. A sign of safety, he is gone and I am alone and I am... _~~I don't know~~_... I sink to the floor and feel the air moving around me in my stillness, his presence still lingering in my home. His presence still violating my bones.

Akashi calls the next morning, pressed and clean, smiling in my doorway. I shield the entrance with my battered body-scratches down my back, sore along my spine-as if he doesn't know how fragile I am. He opens his mouth and I wonder why I bothered to answer the door. I shut it.

I wait nervously for Takao to arrive, to drive Akashi away, but he leaves before I can hear Takao's morning call. If he notices I am less myself, he doesn't say. I ignore the texts, the missed calls, and their increasing freqency throughout the school hours. From my seat in the cart, I allow Takao to dither on during the ride home, his distant drone distracting me from my head. It's pounding and my eyes hurt and-I take my glasses off and rub the bridge of my nose.  
"Takao, stop talking." He throws a pleased grin back at me.  
"Aw, c'mon Shin-chan, you love me! Anyways, we're at your house now." I collect my books and climb out of the cart. Takao is already headed towards his house when I unlock my front door. I go through the necessary motions. Shoes, off. Water, drunk. Jacket, hanged. And I climb the steps slowly to my room. I want to jump when I open the door and glimpse Akashi sitting on my bed. His head hanging and his hand absenty clenching and unclenching on my bedspread, I am fozen in fear. The door wings open on it's own accord and his eyes snap to me. He smiles.  
"Shintarou-" Adreniline shoots through my veins and I march into my room, using my full height to tower over him.  
"Leave." Akashi's eyes minimally widen but his subdued shock is enough to spur me on. "Get out and leave!" He stands, still well below me, and his eyes dart to the left. He's unsure. I am not. "Akashi Seijuurou, get out of my house! Get out!" This time he listens to me, darting around me quickly and I am grateful. He's gone before the first tear can drip off my cheek.  
  
I have never seen Akahi look unsure before. So awkward, ashamed... worried. He wasn't Akashi. And he was not Seijuurou. He was a boy with red hair and a golden eye and something to say. I flip my phone open and hover over his name with the cursor. Is he worth it? Can he redeem himself? I snap my phone shut and lay it on my bedside table. I sit up, my bed is too much of a memory. A place of sancutuary, wrapped up in his arms. A place of hope, a first kiss. A place of love, revelling in the scent of sweat. What is this place now? Ground zero. A place I learned to fear-heart racing. A place I learned to break-blood stained. A place I learned to scream-silently. I press my head into my hands and I cry. I allowed myself to be too passionate, I gave myself to him and he took and took and took and overdrew and took and took more. And I am left, an empty shell, searching for fulfillment. I refuse to return to him under the guise of love. I refuse to return to him. I refuse to become a victim of my own pysche, from my own heart's betrayal. Because even as I weep and bleed from him, I weep and bleed for him. And until I learn to stand on my own, without his approval, I will never be able to stop this from happening again.

I must calm my (somber) soul, I can rise on (shaky) legs (, I will surely stand. (steady)

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know where to go now... please leave a comment. should i let akashi suffer, or midorima?


End file.
